Inglourious Basterds – 4 Stars

Note: This isn’t so much a review as it is an analysis (fancy!). As such, I’m operating under the assumption you’ve seen Inglourious Basterds. If you haven’t, read no further. Go buy a ticket, watch, come back later.

So here’ s the score: Quentin Tarantino has made six great movies, three of them masterpieces – Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, and now, yes, Inglourious Basterds. I have a lot to say about this movie because it begs to be talked about in ways few films even dare to attempt. In tribute to his latest opus, this piece will borrow the Basterds structure.

Chapter 1: The Passion of the Auteur

Almost all great filmmakers who are considered auteurs are really film critics at heart. Before it was possible for them to spend millions of dollars on making their dreams and nightmares come to life, they sat in the dark and watched movies. They hung out in coffee shops and bars and talked movies with their friends. Some even put pen to paper and took on the challenge of articulating exactly why they loved certain films. This is exactly why film critics love auteurs so goddamn much. They loved them enough to actually create the “auteur theory.” It’s like the chicken and the egg conundrum – which came first, the auteur theory or the auteur? Pauline Kael or Robert Altman? Whatever the answer, film critics have flocked to these films and filmmakers precisely because they recognize one of their own.

Movie Round Up: August 3, 2009

At the Box Office

First rule of stand up comedy: funny hat.

Funny People – 4 Stars

I’m fascinated by the world of comedy writing – the process of pitching, crafting, and testing a joke, the young joke writers for hire who generate material for big stars, the often contentious relationship between comics who are all trying to out-funny each other. Funny People is a dense, two-and-a-half hour exploration of that world; it’s Cameron Crowe’s Almost Famous, but with stand-up comedy instead of music.

Music Round Up: July 24, 2009

Dinosaur jr., Farm – 3 Stars

Dinosuar Jr. are so good at what they do it makes me wish I would have been born a few years earlier. I might then have been old enough to appreciate them when they were releasing records in their late 80s/early 90s heyday.

The Pitchfork Music Festival 2009 – 4 Stars

You can say what you want about “hipster douche bags,” their Ray Bans, cut off jeans, and other “look-at-me” style choices. You can say they’re smelly, holier than thou, and phony. You might have a point about all of it; I don’t know, the whole “I hate hipsters/yuppies/gentrifiers/pseudo-intellectuals, but I’m sort of one myself” conversation is too much for me to wrap my head around, so I try my best to ignore it all together. I can tell you two generalizations I can comfortably make about the audiences that attend the Pitchfork Music Festival: the great majority of them are polite and they love music – two things I really appreciate about a fellow audience member.

Movie Round Up: July 21, 2009

At the Box Office

Don't worry, she doesn't have cancer. She's just one of those Observer people from "Fringe."

My Sister’s Keeper – 3 Stars

What do you want me to tell you? You want me to say that bald chemo cancer kids falling in love with each other don’t make me cry? You want me to say that all the relationship battles between brothers and sisters and mothers and daughters and fathers and sons is all just a bunch of Hollywood bullshit? You want me to say I saw through all the violin string manipulation from director Nick Cassavetes? You want me to say I laughed ironically when the family faces tragedy by having a picnic on the beach? You want me to tell you I didn’t spend over half the movie’s running time with tears in my eyes? Well, fuck you, I won’t. I can’t. I could lie to you, but I won’t.

Quick Hits: July 17, 2009

Waking Up from a Great Dream – 1 star

You know the kind. You’re with some amazing girl; you’ve landed your dream job; you’ve moved into a beautiful mansion full of all the cool stuff you’ve ever wanted. You’re totally feeling it. All the details are right. You are there. Sometimes, the dream version of you even thinks, “This must be a dream,” but you pinch yourself and you’re convinced that this is real life and it’s really happening. You can’t believe your good fortune. This girl is way out of your league. She’s nice to you, too. Faithful. Your mom even likes her. It’s Megan Fox. No, it’s Kristen Bell. Or the career move you made, oh man, it’s unreal. You get to work from home. Or you can travel the world. Whatever the fuck you’re into, you get it. You’re about to get into your new car to go to a nice dinner at the city’s best new restaurant when suddenly the car starts making an ungodly sound…

Movie Round-Up: July 6th, 2009

At the Box Office

The law is no match for my sexy poses.

Public Enemies - 2 and 1/2 stars

Public Enemies has some good acting, a few quality action scenes, and is mostly fun to watch. The plot is all standard cops and robbers stuff, nothing you haven’t seen before, which is mostly why you might come away underwhelmed. The problem is that co-writer and director Michael Mann doesn’t try to give us any real insight into John Dillinger or the man who tried to bring him to justice, Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale). There are a few nice moments when the film hints at Dillinger’s relationship with the public, but even that legendary aspect of his story is given short shrift.

The End of the World at the Hands of an Angry God: 3 and 1/2 Stars

Come on, children, you’re acting like children.
Every generation thinks it’s the end of the world.

All you fat followers, get fit fast.
Every generation thinks it’s the last.
Thinks it’s the end of the world.

– Wilco, “You Never Know”

In the spring of 1994, while on vacation with my dad and step-mom in Orlando, Florida, I spent an entire week being scared shitless that the world was about to end. It certainly wasn’t the first time I got stressed out about Jesus’ impending return, and it also wasn’t the last, but it is the one I tend to remember the most. Being on vacation far from home, everything is strange. The air smells funny, the people are different , and during this particular summer in Orlando, as the sun sunk into the horizon, the dark orange sky mixed with pleasant warm air, it felt to me like the apocalypse. There were overheard conversations about the ever looming year 2000, biblical prophecy, microchips planted in your wrist, and possible Antichrists. All this mixed in with the grander and acid-trip theatrics of Disney country, and you have a combination that left me terrified.

Celebrity Run-Ins: 1 and 1/2 stars

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon, I walked my dog down a quiet Chicago street. The sun was shining, a lake-fresh breeze rolled across the neighborhood, tunes pumped from my headphones. I reached into my pocket, selected a song from the ol’ iPod, and looked up to see the strangest sight:

Hair. A large mound of hair, shifting up and down in the breeze. My brain told my mouth to say one of two things: “Hey Rod!” or “I hope your wife fucks Spencer Pratt when she goes on that TV show.” Luckily, before I said anything, I realized I was looking at Rod Blagojevich jogging past me, and decided the best response would be to say nothing. My mouth just sort of hung open as I watched him go by.

Movie Round-Up: June 21, 2009

At the Box Office

Captain Kirk wants to bone her. And so do you.

Star Trek - 3 1/2 stars

J.J. Abram’s Star Trek is pure entertainment, a fantastic piece of popcorn fun that is the first entry in the Trek universe where the characters get laid and they’re actually people you’d want to have sex with. Even Spock gets some stank on his hang-low!